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10 Things NOT to say to a guy after sex

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We’re all familiar with the onion skin thin ego of men. Despite that tough man, ironclad — facade — exterior, they’re easily bruised, easily hurt, easily offended…especially in bed.

We’re also familiar with that awkward air, the one that sometimes follows a good — usually bad — romp, roll in the hay, scrogg, drill, whatever you’d like to call it. Women have the tendency to want to fill that awkwardness with, well, anything. Unfortunately, what nine times out of 10 they think to fill it with is something about how the deed just did was done, and usually, that short series of adjectives — really sugar-coated descriptors — of the event will harm our big and burly Mr. Sensitive.

So, in hopes of avoiding this potential mood crushing, testosterone slamming event, here’s a list of top 10 tips on what NOT to say in this situation (thank you AOL News):

10. “That was nice.”
Nice? That’s all you can think of to say after…it? Men might be pretty dense most of the time, but I think he’s going to get your drift on this one. Try subbing “amazing,” “incredible” or “great” instead.

9. “Whaddya wanna do now?”
This one just screams, blurts and otherwise shrieks like a wailing siren: BOOORING.

8. “Why’d you stop?”
Yeah. Not good. The only reason a dude would stop in the middle of anything near decent whoopee is…Houston, I think this is your problem.

7. “Are you O.K?”
Do you really have to ask this? See No. 6 again, please.

6. “It’s not you, it’s me!”
Well, it certainly ain’t the dude.

5. “Man, I’m starving.”
This can either imply one of two things: 1) You were thinking about food during the entire bit. 2) Since you were obviously thinking of food, what the heck kind of performance would you call that? Obviously not one good enough to take your mind off your next half of a grapefruit and leaf of lettuce.

4. “Wanna try again?”
Girls, girls, girls. Tsk, tsk, tsk. This one should be pretty apparent. Still don’t see the keyword here? Allow me to lend a hand. TRY. If that isn’t enough of a help, well, I don’t think you’re case is salvageable.

3. “Everyone has an off night.”
See No. 4 again, puh-leeze!

2. “Do you mind if I finish myself?”
In my opinion, this is the worst thing you can say to a guy after the deed been done (sorry for disagreeing, AOL). This says in blaring red neon lights that he just can’t do it for you. What could be worse?

1. “It happens to lots of guys.”
All right. I take it back. This one’s tied with No. 2. The last thing a guy wants to hear after sex is not only that he can’t perform, but that he’s being compared to a bunch of guys who can’t perform.

Brittany @ July 27, 2009

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